The (un-) Official Guide to Understanding Young Voters
For those who are old enough to remember the Reagan presidency, what follows is an alphabetical glossary of definitions to enable better understanding of the mindset of many young voters, today.
Anarchy- a system of government where there is no government, just people doing whatever they want, whenever they want, as long as it doesn’t involve patriotism, Christianity, Judaism or Capitalism.
Bernie- the answer to all wants, needs and demands for fairness, where everything is free, and the rich and the corporations are punished for not putting up their fair share.
Communism- a fairy tale that is repeatedly told by old people who just don’t understand the wisdom of Bernie Sanders.
Demonstrators- anyone who opposes Donald Trump, even when they cannot articulate exactly why they oppose Donald Trump, but will take money from George Soros and move-on.org to oppose Donald Trump.
Equality- taking all of the money in the entire world, and dividing it equally among all of the world’s people, so that everyone is equally poor, miserable and without the prospect of improving their lot in life.
Fairness- taking all of the profits from evil corporation and all of the wealth from rich people, to provide free food, housing, cannabis, medical care and college tuition for everyone else.
Gender- the freedom to identify one’s self into any sexual identity, regardless of sexual characteristics originating at birth.
Homophobia- the belief system which prefers women and girls to use the ladies’ room and men and boys to use the men’s room in all public and private accommodations.
Individualism- a fascist mindset that believes people have the right not to be politically correct in all things.
Journalism- any part of mainstream media, other than Fox News.
Kardashian- that which is really important, in the grand scheme of things.
Liberalism- a fairy tale of fascists who do not agree with democratic socialism.
Middle America- a group of fascists who think that they will have to pay more taxes so that food, shelter, cannabis, healthcare and college tuition will be free.
Nazism- a political philosophy which supports the candidacy of Donald Trump.
Opinion- a set of beliefs, as long as it is not conservative, which is intolerant.
Protest- an organized attempt to earn money by preventing anyone from attending any event to listen to Donald Trump.
Question- an inquiry into why one opposes Donald Trump, posed by a Fox News employee.
Racist- a white person.
Socialism- a utopian system where everyone is given free food, shelter, cannabis, healthcare and college tuition.
Tuition- an absolute right to take money from corporations and rich people, to pay for college, so that gainful employment can be delayed, indefinitely.
Universal- benefits accruing to anyone, other than rich people and corporations.
Victim- anyone who isn’t white, male, Christian, religious or heterosexual.
White- privileged people who should be ashamed, and made to feel guilty, for things of the past, that they have had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with.
Xenophobe- anyone who utters the phrase “illegal immigration”.
Yours- anything that should be mine and ours, instead.
Zombie- a very real threat to humanity almost approaching the threat of climate change.
Memorize this list and you, too, can make sense out of what many young voters are saying, today.
-Drew Nickell, 15 April 2016
© 2016 by Drew Nickell, all rights reserved.