In the Run-up to Fathers’ Day- to Our Children and Their Children, Nostra Culpa

In the Run-up to Fathers’ Day- to Our Children and Their Children, Nostra Culpa

An open letter to those under 35 years of age-

I am writing to you representing your parents’ and grandparents’ generation because we, in our generation (those of us over 55), find that there was something very important lacking in your upbringing- something that was passed down to us from our parents, but that we failed to pass along to you.

In explaining to you what we failed to pass along to you, I will need to tell you of a time in our own recollection- a time when we ourselves were children, and describe what those times were like. In each case, I will show you exactly where we came up short in facilitating your overall deportment.

First, we grew up in neighborhoods where we knew every house by the people who lived there- dozens of names and faces and homes where they lived. In those days, our parents would exchange waves and hellos with them, and taught us to do the same. We knew everyone by name, and they knew us by name, and so our neighborhoods became external extensions of the family, and thus we felt part of a larger community.

I am sorry to say that this was not the case when you were young, largely because we were distracted from passing along these customs to you. The unfortunate legacy of this omission has contributed towards your estrangement with those who live in close proximity to you. In many cases, you don’t know even your closest neighbors’ names and your own sense of community has devolved to where you work, and associations made within your kids’ school groups.

Second, we grew up in an age where we as children pretty much knew what was expected of us. A thorough cleansing on Saturday nights, dressing in our finest on Sunday mornings and being hauled off to Sunday school and church services was the norm that we could set our calendrer weeks by- practically never fail. Even if we didn’t pay close attention to our Sunday school teachers or the clergy who delivered these services, somehow the notion of something larger than ourselves, as well as an absolute understanding of right and wrong, got hammered into our distracted heads and there was little question of shades of gray between the two.

Sadly, we grew lax in these efforts, when taking you to Sunday school and church services became an occasional thing for some of you, and non-existent for others of your generation. The absolutes of right and wrong on which we were raised somehow became pragmatic and situational when it came to your own upbringing. Gone was the certainty of the eternal salvation that we were so anchored in as the result of our own upbringing.

Third, we were educated in our country’s history and in how our government works, without the dense fog of cynicism so prevalent in the indoctrination to which you have been subjected. We knew, for instance, that many of our nation’s founders were slave holders, but we also knew that what they created was a system of government that put the rights of the individual first- something no other country had ever attempted, before. We were taught that our country’s history, imperfect as it most certainly was, was nevertheless a continual journey towards a more perfect union, and that all of us shared in that journey towards making our country a better place. We also were taught the virtues of patriotism, respect for the flag, respect for each other, and were shown how the United States were a nation which other nations looked to with hope. Hardly a house in our neighborhoods failed to fly the flag on our national holidays, and invariably were taken in before nightfall. Being an American was special, and our parents and schools taught us just why.

Regrettably, your own education often focused its attention on the shortcomings of our nation’s founders, and in always focusing on how people of color were treated by those in power, you were not taught the larger, lasting legacy of what these founders left for us. You were taught that most of the world’s problems were the result of our own country’s shortcomings abroad- never knowing how the United States saved the world from annihilation twice in the twentieth century, and the sacrifices that were made in pursuit of peace the world over. As parents, we gave in to the professionals staffing your classrooms, with nary a clue as to what you were being taught. Oh, we were diligent in getting you to your soccer practices and dance classes, and made sure your slate was filled with after-school activities but again, we had no idea what the kids we were taking to these activities were being taught in the hours preceding. When you were young, perhaps watching professional sports with us, we didn’t tell you to stand up and place your authentic major league ball caps over your hearts and show respect to our anthem and our flag.

Please don’t get the idea that the times in which we were young were somehow devoid of challenges and social upheaval. Nothing could be further from the truth. We recognize that for many people- women, the handicapped and impaired, the people of color, in particular- great strides have been made to ensure that access and opportunity are extended to all on a level playing field, that was not the case in our youth.

Yet, I can say with absolute certainty that most all of us in our generation found happiness in our lives, pride in our country, an abiding sense of belonging to a neighborhood and a community, and the comfort to know that God loves us all. We believed that the possibilities of the future were boundless, as long as we showed respect to one another and did the right thing.

For all these many things and the values that we did not pass along to you, on behalf of our generation, please accept my sincere apology, in the hopes that you will not do with your children as we did with you. Their future depends on it.

Sincerely,

-Drew Nickell, 15 June 2020

© 2020 by Drew Nickell, all rights reserved.

author of “Bending Your Ear- a Collection of Essays on the Issues of Our Times”

http://www.drewnickell.com

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