Pondering the Impossible (thank God) if I were President….
Many of my liberal friends would produce a considerable amount of emesis, were yours truly ever elected President of the United States….change that…many of my conservative AND liberal friends would…..change that….ALL of my friends would produce a considerable amount of emesis were yours truly ever elected President of the United States….
Because it will never happen, relax sports fans….
But what if…what would I do during my term of office….
First, I would send to Congress a bill that would, in effect, outlaw lobbying of all public officials who have been elected to federal office. It’s very difficult to clean up a brothel, if you don’t rid the establishment of the whores as well as their johns…and the time has come to put public service back into public service.
Second, I would send a bill to Congress that would limit service in the U.S. House of Representatives to three consecutive terms, limit service in the U.S. Senate to two consecutive terms, and limit appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court to twenty years. This would put an end to the “same old, same old”…
Third, I would send a bill to Congress, effectively ending all foreign aid and investment to any country which does not guarantee freedom of religion, universal suffrage and due process of law. You want our money, then adopt our freedoms, period.
Fourth, I would send a bill to Congress, effectively ending all aid and financial support to the United Nations OR limit such aid and support to a dollar amount equal to the average aid and support given to the UN by all of the remaining countries who are members of the UN. We shouldn’t be paying the lion’s share of a club that treats us as though we were non-members.
Fifth, I would send a bill to Congress, effectively announcing a comprehensive trade embargo on the nations of Iran, North Korea, Syria and any other nation who violates the international nuclear proliferation accords, and cease and desist from financially aiding and investing in any nation who would continue to trade with these countries. You are either with us or against us, and we put money where our interests are well served, period.
Sixth, I would send a bill to Congress, effectively ending all individual, corporate and estate taxes, entirely, and replace this with a consumption tax at all levels of commerce, instead. Attached to this bill would be funding for the tax attorneys and certified public accounts who would find themselves out of work as a result of this legislation, because to have a system requiring their assistance is in, and of, itself, inherently corrupt.
Seventh, I would send a bill to Congress eliminating the Departments of Commerce, Education, Energy, Health and Human Services, Veterans Affairs, Agriculture, Interior, Labor, Housing and Urban Development, Transportation, and Homeland Security as well as the EPA. As part of this legislation, I would turn all of these departmental functions over to the several states and, if not practicable, over to the remaining departments of Defense, State, Treasury, and Justice. A vastly smaller and manageable federal government is far more efficient and far less costly than the obesity of government that exists today.
Eighth, I would send a bill to Congress effectively putting the elimination of ISIS and Radical Islamic extremism into the well qualified hands of the Department of Defense, with an admonition they can and must do whatever it takes to rid the entire world of this menace. I would also give them one year to complete this mission, or find other work to do if they cannot. If one is going to get rid of a “cancer”, we should start by removing the “cancerous cells”, and we need to leave this up to the experts who know far more about military strategy than the rest of us.
Ninth, I would send a bill to Congress, that would, first, build an impenetrable wall along our southern border, from the Pacific Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico, second, put an embargo against all immigration for a period of no less than five years, and require anyone who has entered this country illegally to either, a) apply for US citizenship (which would entail taking mandatory classes in and passing English literacy tests as well as tests in the U.S. Constitution, government and citizenship), or b) be declared ineligible for employment in any trade or career. Those not wishing to do so would be deported to the countries of their origin. My Italian grandfather arrived here with twenty-five cents in his pocket and a third grade education. He learned to speak seven languages and had to pass a citizenship test in order to remain here. If he could do this, then anyone else should be able to do what this legislation proposes.
Tenth, once all of the above are enacted into law, and put into place, I would send a bill to Congress requesting that they impeach their president because, after getting all the above accomplished, I would be so tired and exhausted that I would not be able to effectively function as President of the United States, any longer.
-Drew Nickell, 9 June 2015
© 2015 by Drew Nickell, all rights reserved