When Too Far Is Too Far

When Too Far Is Too Far

(author’s note- full disclosure- The author initiated into Sigma Nu Fraternity at Virginia Wesleyan College in February of 1978 and then affiliated with the Chapter at James Madison University in the Fall of 1979)

Most of us have seen the pictures of bed sheets hanging from the balcony of a Norfolk, Virginia Sigma Nu fraternity house. One says, “Rowdy and Fun- Hope Your Baby Girl is Ready for a Good Time”, while another reads, “Freshman Daughter Drop-Off” with an arrow pointing to the house’s front door, and the third reads, “Go Ahead and Drop Off Mom, Too”…

In a word, lame…

When the world was young, and we were both young and stupid, it was a tradition for college men to sit on a wall at Virginia Wesleyan College and watch the arrival of freshman co-eds as they moved into campus dorms. Occasionally, a whistle was sounded or a comment was made as to the co-ed’s looks, but never anything “over-the-top” as has been expressed in these bed sheets. Sometimes, as a means to break the ice, and draw some degree of favor from the young women, we would offer to help carry in their belongings, which generally delighted their parents. In other words while, yes, what we did could be construed as “ogling” by today’s politically correct mores, it really was an expression of curiosity, given the fact that Virginia Wesleyan College was a very small school back in the 1970’s, and everyone on campus knew practically everyone else. Still, it could be argued that the college men were “checking out” the new arrivals…

So be it…We’ll plead guilty…

The difference is that, back then, we knew where to draw the line…

Thirty-eight years later, we marvel at how times have changed and, in many ways, we fear for the worse. It is indeed ironic that in today’s culture, where sexual harassment (that wasn’t even a term in the mid-1970s) is constantly talked about, written about, “policy-ed” about, etc., etc., that some undergraduate men think that such over-the-top displays, as evidenced at Old Dominion University, are funny….

In a word, they’re not….

The problem is maturity or, in reality, the lack of maturity on the part of the miscreants. Let’s face it. Young college students caught in the cusp between adolescence and adulthood can and will do stupid things- like the time this writer kicked a football some thirty-five yards through a second story, plate glass window. We went straight to the building and grounds superintendent, told him of our “career place-kick” and we were rewarded with a reprieve for being honest- THAT time. (We never made a second attempt). Still, it was pretty stupid, to say the least.

While it can be argued that the sheets hung from the frat house balcony, in and of themselves, caused no harm per se, the fact that they were hung at all speaks volumes about a general lack of respect that these fraternity members showed towards the young women, their parents, their school, their fraternity and, in truth, themselves. While suspending the fraternity chapter (as opposed to the actual guilty parties) may seem a bit draconian, the school’s president and the national fraternity were correct in bringing swift action against the chapter, which has besmirched college fraternities, in general, and Sigma Nu, in particular.

We would ask every young man entering college today that he be mindful of the way he treats the opposite sex, and that he would do well to remember his own sister, his mother and, looking ahead, his daughter as well, when expressing himself. Never would the ‘golden rule” have a more fitting place than in such a situation.

So, to our fraternity brothers, we’ll simply say, “Grow up and act like men- REAL men…Otherwise, your alumni are going to have to pull out the proverbial paddle and tan your hides!”

-Drew Nickell, 25 August 2015

©2015 by Drew Nickell, all rights reserved